The Present Moment: Where You Aren’t

The Present Moment: Where You Aren’t

by | Criticizing, judging, & attacking yourself, Overanalyzing, doubting, & indecisiveness, Taking my thoughts too seriously, Thinking repetitively about future and past painful feelings, events and failures

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to find ourselves physically present but mentally miles away. Whether we’re preoccupied with future meetings or replaying past conversations, being rooted in the present moment often feels like an elusive goal.

This episode highlights the importance of “Contact with the Present Moment,” a core process in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).

Show notes with time-stamps

00:00 Living on Autopilot
01:51 What Present Moment Means
03:21 What It Is Not
04:50 Why We Avoid Now
06:11 Simple Grounding Tips
08:24 When Grounding Becomes Avoidance
 

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Resources mentioned

Achieving your best: Goal-setting secrets from sports psychology

Achieving your best: Goal-setting secrets from sports psychology

by | Criticizing, judging, & attacking yourself, Doing things right, perfect & precisely: perfectionism

Today, I’m sharing with you a conversation with Dr. Mitchell Greene, Ph.D.

In our chat, we dive deep into the psychology of goal-setting, attachment to goals, over-identification with one area of our life, peak performance, and mental resilience.

  • When you’re taking a big exam, dealing with a work project, or participating in an important match, how do you manage your worries about your performance and your desire to perform to the best of your abilities?
  • Are you supportive of yourself without adding pressure into your plate?
  • How do you think of yourself without all the stuff you do in your day-to-day life?

While having goals is essential for your performance and motivation, they are just one piece of the puzzle. You also need to manage your mental chatter to perform at your best when it matters to you!

You will hear Mitchell and I sharing our take on Roger Federer, Rick Barry, Kobe Bryant, Andre Agassi, and other professional athletes’ approach to their performance, expectations, and goal-setting.

Whether you’re dealing with high-stakes sports scenarios or everyday life challenges, the principles to set your goals, how you relate to them, and how you approach your mental chatter remain the same.

You can find meaning and joy by making small tweaks and savoring the good along the way!

Hope you enjoy this episode!

Key Takeaways

  • Understanding fear-based reactions
  • Setting goals for improved performance
  • Managing mind chatter in sports
  • The role of mental skills in athletic success
  • Balancing life and sport: Lessons from Federer and Agassi
  • The importance of parental support in youth sports

About Dr. Mitchell Greene, Ph.D.

Dr. Mitchell Greene is a nationally recognized licensed clinical and sport psychologist, whose success over the past 15-plus years is his ability to tailor personalized solutions to his client’s problems. Dr. Greene works primarily with athletes pursuing high performance goals, or coaches and athletic departments looking to educate their student-athletes on mental health and performance enhancement strategies.

In 2023, Dr. Greene published Courage over Confidence: Managing Mind Chatter and Winning the Mental Game, a book based on his years of working with high-performing athletes who struggle with managing doubts and negative thinking. His book has spent time as a top 5 “Youth Sport” and “Sport Psychology” Book on Amazon.

greene

Resources

Resources from Dr. Z’s desk

Show notes with time-stamps

01:01 The Importance of Goal Setting
01:08 The Problem with Tunnel Vision
01:44 Importance of Outcome Goals
02:45 The Role of Action Goals
03:43 Goal setting and mental chatter
04:34 Managing Chatter for Success
05:30 Developing a New Relationship with Your Mind
06:01 Lessons from Roger Federer
06:43 Advice for Struggling Athletes
07:22 Mental Game of Professional Athletes
08:58 Perfectionism in Sports
11:42 Small Increments of Improvement
13:15 Leadership Challenges in Sports
13:55 Balancing Life and Sport
16:10 The Impact of Injuries on a Person’s Mindset
16:52 Parental Influence on Young Athletes
18:02 Coaching the Coaches

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Unlocking your potential: Conquering perfectionism and imposter phenomenon!

Unlocking your potential: Conquering perfectionism and imposter phenomenon!

by | Criticizing, judging, & attacking yourself, Doing things right, perfect & precisely: perfectionism

In part 1 of my conversation with Monica Basco, Exploring the intersection of perfectionism, procrastination, and performance, we discussed the following topics:

  • Perfectionism and high-achieving behaviors
  • Understanding the impact of high goals
  • The role of confidence in goal setting
  • The intersection of perfectionism and procrastination

In this second part of our conversation, Monica kindly shared her transition from academia to the White House as an introduction to the focus of this episode: the intersection of perfectionism and imposter phenomenon.

Perfectionists set exceptionally high standards for themselves, displaying a relentless drive to achieve what they perceive as flawless outcomes. However, when these standards are not met, it can lead to feelings of failure and inadequacy. Even when they succeed, perfectionists may fear that others will see through their façade, further perpetuating the imposter phenomenon.

A highlight of our conversation is the importance of discerning when perfectionistic actions are an asset and when they become a liability.

Key Takeaways

  • Perfectionism and imposter phenomenon
  • Exploring imposter phenomenon
  • Perfectionism and self-expectations
  • Overcoming imposter syndrome
  • The transition from academia to government
  • Perfectionism in different contexts
  • Balancing perfectionism and fear of failure
  • Distinguishing when to turn on and off perfectionistic actions

About Monica Basco, Ph.D.

Monica Basco, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and former Associate Director for Science Policy, Planning, and Analysis at the Office of Research on Women’s Health at the National Institutes of Health. She served as Assistant Director for Neuroscience, Mental Health, and Broadening Participation at the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy from 2014 to 2015.

Dr. Basco is an internationally recognized expert in cognitive-behavioral therapy and a founding fellow of the Academy of Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies. She was formerly on the faculty of the University of Texas at Arlington, where she was awarded the University of Texas Regents’ Outstanding Teaching Award.

perfectionism

Resources


Resources from Dr. Z.


Show notes with time-stamps

00:00 The Intersection of Perfectionism and Imposter Phenomenon
05:03 Personal Story: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
10:10 Transition from Academia to the White House
16:12 The Role of Perfectionism in Government and Science
18:23 Fear of Failure and Perfectionism
22:52 How Different Fears Influence Behavior
 

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How to navigate rejection sensitivity and playing-it-safe behaviors

How to navigate rejection sensitivity and playing-it-safe behaviors

by | Assuming responsibility of important matters & others’ well-being, Criticizing, judging, & attacking yourself

Do you find yourself anxiously anticipating rejection in everyday situations?

The fear of being rejected or judged leads to a hyper-awareness of others’ facial expressions, opinions, or anticipation of rejection. It’s like you’re expecting others will reject you and interpret a situation using those lenses. This interplay between rejection sensitivity and anxiety influences how you navigate your relationships.

Understanding the root of rejection sensitivity and its connection to anxiety is pivotal to stop playing-it-safe automatically.

In today’s episode, I interview Ozlem Ayduk, Ph.D.

We delve deeper into the psychological processes behind rejection sensitivity and anxiety. You will hear practical strategies to break free from the shackles of rejection sensitivity and anxiety.

Key Takeaways

  • Self-distancing
  • Rejection sensitivity
  • What maintains rejection sensitivity
  • The relationship between experiential avoidance and rejection sensitivity
  • How ambiguous situations are triggers for responses driven by rejection sensitivity
  • The use of self-talk 
  • Is it helpful to be highly sensitive in certain contexts? When and where? 
  • The upsides or benefits of high emotional sensitivity
  • Can someone struggle with rejection sensitivity without a history of rejection? 
  • The intersection of emotion regulation and rejection sensitivity
  • Is rejection sensitivity dysphoria different or the same as rejection sensitivity? 

About Ozlem Ayduk, Ph.D.

Ozlem Ayduk worked as a postdoctoral fellow at Columbia University for three years before heading west to California in 2002 to join the U.C. Berkeley department of psychology as an assistant professor. She became an associate professor in 2009, and a full professor in 2015. Ayduk is a co-director of the Relationship and Social Cognition Lab at U.C. Berkeley.

In addition to teaching, Ayduk has been active with professional psychology societies. She is a fellow at the Society of Experimental Social Psychology and served on its executive board (2015–2018). She is also a fellow at the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, where she served on the grant review panel (2016–2017) and a three-year term on the board of directors (2018–2020).

Screenshot 2023 11 21 at 1.53.39 PM

Resources

Resources from Dr. Z.

Show notes with time-stamps

01:00 Exploring Rejection Sensitivity: Insights and Interviews
02:03 Deep Dive into Rejection Sensitivity with Dr. Ozlem Ayduk
02:23 Year-End Reflections and Personal Growth Tools
17:49 Understanding Self-Distancing and Its Techniques
 

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When self-compassion gets tough: navigating common barriers

When self-compassion gets tough: navigating common barriers

by | Accepting negative stories about myself and questioning my abilities, Criticizing, judging, & attacking yourself

Self-compassion is the willingness to respond to your pain and suffering in the same way a good friend of yours might–with warmth, patience, and understanding. That sounds easy, right? But you know it isn’t.

For many, self-criticism is a classic playing-it-safe move. It’s like your mind is a champion at criticizing you in response to those moments in which you feel anxious about something that has happened or could happen.

Which of the following fear statements resonate with you?

  • If I’m kind to myself, I will become a weak person.
  • I need to be hard on myself or I will never get everything done.
  • I don’t deserve kindness.
  • A harsh approach keeps me from making mistakes or keeps me disciplined.
  • Self-criticism motivates me all the time.

Ask yourself: “Am I afraid of compassion?”

In this episode, I chat with Paul Gilbert, the developer of Compassion – Focused Therapy.

Key Takeaways

About Paul Gilbert

Paul Gilbert, Ph.D. is a Professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of Derby and Visiting Professor at the University of Queensland. He has researched evolutionary approaches to mental health alongside clinical work as a Consultant Clinical Psychologist for over 40 years in the NHS.

He founded and developed Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) and established the Compassionate Mind Foundation in 2006 which promotes wellbeing through facilitating the scientific understanding and application of compassion. He has over 300 publications including 22 books.

Self-compassion

Resources

Resources from Dr. Z’s desk

Show notes with time-stamps

01:00 Exploring Self-Compassion with Paul Gilbert
03:42 The Journey of Developing Compassion Focused Therapy
08:03 Practical Self-Compassion and Its Impact
17:54 Understanding and Practicing Forgiveness
23:16 Navigating Anger Through Self-Compassion
 

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How to engage in values-based behaviors when feeling anxious

How to engage in values-based behaviors when feeling anxious

by | Criticizing, judging, & attacking yourself, Disengaging and using safety crutches

  • Do you remember last week when your mind was criticizing you and asking you to play-it-safe?

Using Acceptance and Commitment Skills, you are always invited to bring awareness to your internal experiences, especially when you are feeling stuck in a habit or unhelpful behavioral patterns such as overthinking, procrastinating, or others.

You are also invited to figure out your values and take action toward what truly matters to you, especially when feeling emotional discomfort.

In this episode, Julian McNally, M. Psych. and I discuss those values-based actions when your mind tries to convince you to engage in old behavioral patterns.

Key Takeaways

  • Creative Hopelessness
  • Values-based behaviors
  • Values-based exposures
  • Notice approaching versus avoidant behaviors
  • How to practice acceptance of messy moments
  • Focus on your doing your best, not being the best
  • Focusing on what is happening right now instead of the why

About Julian McNally

Julian McNally has practiced counseling psychology since 1995. He trained in client-centered and solution-oriented approaches before discovering Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in 2003. The mindfulness components of ACT harmonized with his long standing interest in Zen Buddhism and Taoism (Julian was a Tai Chi instructor for six years).

Shortly after reading Acceptance and Commitment Therapy by Hayes, Strosahl and Wilson, Julian started developing the world’s first online audio ACT training resource, 6 ACT Conversations through RMIT University (online at http://emedia.rmit.edu.au/communication/).

This resource has been utilized and cited by many ACT trainers, practitioners and their clients, and is featured in a chapter Julian co-authored in the New Harbinger book, Mindfulness and Acceptance for Counseling College Students. As well as seeing individuals for counseling, Julian also supervises other ACT practitioners in Melbourne, and throughout Australia and internationally (Google Meet, Skype, Zoom or phone) and is principal psychologist at Melbourne’s first ACT center, The ACT of Living.

social perfectionism, values-based behaviors

Resources

Resources from Dr. Z.

Show notes with time-stamps

01:00 Exploring Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
01:39 Values-Based Actions and Behavioral Science Insights
04:59 Personal Journey: Acting, Stage Fright, and Self-Acceptance
12:45 Clown Class: Learning to Embrace Humor and Vulnerability
16:54 Embracing Mistakes and Moving Forward
 

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