Self-compassion is the willingness to respond to your pain and suffering in the same way a good friend of yours might–with warmth, patience, and understanding. That sounds easy, right? But you know it isn’t.

For many, self-criticism is a classic playing-it-safe move. It’s like your mind is a champion at criticizing you in response to those moments in which you feel anxious about something that has happened or could happen.

Which of the following fear statements resonate with you?

• If I’m kind to myself, I will become a weak person.
• I need to be hard on myself or I will never get everything done.
• I don’t deserve kindness.
• A harsh approach keeps me from making mistakes or keeps me disciplined.
• Self-criticism motivates me all the time.

Ask yourself: “Am I afraid of compassion?”

In this episode, I chat with Paul Gilbert, the developer of Compassion – Focused Therapy.

Key Takeaways

• The origins of compassion focused therapy
• 4 steps to compassionately deal with your inner critic
• How to deal with shame and guilt
• How to approach self-forgiveness
• The intersection of self-compassion and exposure practices
• Paul Gilbert’s self-compassion daily practice
• What to do if your mind thinks that “self-compassion is weak, it is being permissive with yourself, or that you’re letting yourself off the hook.”

About Paul Gilbert

Paul Gilbert, Ph.D. is a Professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of Derby and Visiting Professor at the University of Queensland. He has researched evolutionary approaches to mental health alongside clinical work as a Consultant Clinical Psychologist for over 40 years in the NHS.

He founded and developed Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) and established the Compassionate Mind Foundation in 2006 which promotes wellbeing through facilitating the scientific understanding and application of compassion. He has over 300 publications including 22 books.