0 Items
Overcoming fear of failure

Overcoming fear of failure

by | Procrastinating, postponing and delaying, Doing things right, perfect & precisely: perfectionism

Drop your standards! Let go of your perfectionistic tendencies!

If I were paid a dollar every time I heard this message, I would have a large bank account by now.

When you’re pursuing a top performance –​ from athletic to intellectual to artistic ones – it’s fundamental that you distinguish those common principles that improve your performance and your well being altogether.

In this episode, Brad Stulberg and I discussed research-based skills to deal with high-achieving and striving behaviors in a skillful manner and without losing yourself.

Key Takeaways

About Brad Stulberg

Brad Stulberg’s work explores principles of mastery and well-being that transcend capabilities and domains. Brad is particularly interested in the philosophical and psychological foundations of excellence, and the habits and practices necessary to attain it. He is an author of the book, The Practice of Groundedness, and coauthor of the books Peak Performace and The Passion Paradox.

These books explore the art, science, and practice of motivation, values-driven excellence, and maximizing one’s potential—all the while realizing a more fulfilling and sustainable kind of success.

He writes about these concepts on The Growth Equation, his popular blog and multimedia platform. He is a regular contributor at The New York Times, and his work has also been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, New Yorker, Time, Los Angeles Times, Wired, New York Magazine, Sports Illustrated, and more. He is also a contributing editor to Outside Magazine. In his coaching practice, he intimately partners with clients to apply the principles about which he writes.

Brad’s latest book

Screenshot 2024 03 06 at 7.51.37 PM
brad

Resources

Resources from Dr. Z

Show notes with time stamps

00:31 Understanding Fear-Based Reactions
01:02 Overcoming Perfectionism
01:36 Interview with Brad Stulberg: High Achieving and Striving Behaviors
02:19 Reflecting on Your Life and Overcoming Overthinking
03:28 Living According to Your Values
04:10 Using a Values-Based Review to Live the Life You Want
04:46 Conversation with Brad Stulberg: Balancing Productivity and Wellbeing
05:43 Understanding the Double-Edged Sword of Optimization
08:44 Dealing with Fear of Failure and Regret
17:48 Navigating Ego-Driven Goals and Values-Based Goals
24:09 Overcoming Experiential Avoidance

Listen Here

Apple
Spotify

Exploring the intersection of perfectionism, procrastination, and performance

Exploring the intersection of perfectionism, procrastination, and performance

by | Procrastinating, postponing and delaying, Thinking repetitively about future and past painful feelings, events and failures

Perfectionism isn’t a personality quirk. It’s a pattern of reinforced behaviors that can seep into every aspect of your life.

You may set certain standards for yourself, certain rules about how things are supposed to be or how you are supposed to behave; while you may meet those standards for a while, they eventually – and inevitably – fall short. Then, you feel crushed. Then, you criticize yourself. And then, to drown out the negativity, you set new goals, standards, and expectations for yourself. The cycle of ineffective perfectionistic actions repeats and maintains itself.

In this podcast episode, I chat with Monica Basco, Ph.D. We discuss specific topics related to perfectionism in detail:

(a) A large part of the conversation clarifies how having high standards and being perfectionistic can both be beneficial and detrimental, and finding the balance between the two is crucial.

(b) We also discussed the interplay between perfectionistic behaviors and procrastination as two sides of the same coin. 

(c) Monica and I highlighted the fact that setting high-goals is productive when one can tolerate failure. However, learning to pursue what matters and learning to let things go – as the right thing to do – is also important.

(d) Finally, we discussed ideas for you to conduct a functional analysis, or in other words, we discussed key questions for you to understand your drive to engage in perfectionistic actions (e.g., what is my mind trying to protect me from right now?)

Key Takeaways

  • Discussing perfectionism and high achieving behaviors
  • Understanding the impact of high goals
  • The role of confidence in goal setting
  • The intersection of perfectionism and procrastination

About Monica Basco, Ph.D.

Monica Basco, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and former Associate Director for Science Policy, Planning, and Analysis at the Office of Research on Women’s Health at the National Institutes of Health. She served as Assistant Director for Neuroscience, Mental Health, and Broadening Participation at the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy from 2014 to 2015.

Dr. Basco is an internationally recognized expert in cognitive-behavioral therapy and a founding fellow of the Academy of Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies. She was formerly on the faculty of the University of Texas at Arlington, where she was awarded the University of Texas Regents’ Outstanding Teaching Award.

perfectionism

Resources

Resources from Dr. Z.

Show notes with time-stamps

01:00 Understanding Fear and Perfectionism
01:31 Dealing with Perfectionism and High Achieving Behaviors
02:35 Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Perfectionism
04:14 Setting Goals and Dealing with Failure
05:12 Understanding Overachievement and Expectations
08:37 Dealing with Rejection and Pursuing Goals
20:43 Understanding the Intersection of Perfectionism and Procrastination

Listen Here

Apple
Spotify

Final Thoughts on Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Performance

There is nothing wrong with striving to do things right and perfectly – that’s natural when you deeply care about things that matter to you. And, as you have heard me say before, it’s extremely important that you learn to harness the power of perfectionistic actions without losing yourself.

Stress management tips for high-achievers

Stress management tips for high-achievers

by | Doing things right, perfect & precisely: perfectionism, Procrastinating, postponing and delaying

Stress is nearly unavoidable in our daily lives. Unexpected things can happen to all of us, and often, we may choose to play-it-safe by working harder and harder, doing more and more.

I am sharing today an interview with Espree Devora. Espree has been recently featured in INC Magazine as one of the top 30 women in tech to follow and is known as “The Girl Who Gets it Done.”

In this conversation, we chat about how Espree manages stress being the caring person she is, how she manages stress given her work ethic, and how she manages stress in general as an entrepreneur.

Key Takeaways

  • How to find your own rhythms to navigate stressful moments
  • How to get things done without losing yourself
  • How to keep yourself accountable without being harsh with one’s self
  • How to practice distress tolerance skills on-the-go

About Espree Devora

Espree uses technology and digital content to thoughtfully connect people in the tech industry and move them from online connections to meaningful offline relationships. Her company, WeAreLATech, creates high quality digital content including podcasts, technology, and curated offline experiences focused on the Los Angeles tech and global women in tech ecosystems. These resources help the community accelerate in business via authentically connecting.

stress management

Resources

From Dr. Z’s desk

Listen Here

Apple
Spotify

The upsides and downsides of perfectionism (part 1)

The upsides and downsides of perfectionism (part 1)

by | Doing things right, perfect & precisely: perfectionism, Procrastinating, postponing and delaying

There is nothing wrong with striving to do things right and perfectly. It depends on how often you do it, when you do it, and how it works in your life in the long run.

But, what is problematic is, demanding perfectionism, which involves demanding that you are perfect and do things perfectly, otherwise, you may think of yourself as unworthy, not good enough, or a screw-up.

Those particular patterns of perfectionistic actions can generate much anxiety, depression, loneliness, and insurmountable levels of stress, even when it feels good to do things right and perfectly in the moment.

Andrew Nalband is the Chief Executive Officer at Thunk Notes, a tool for thinking and journaling.

In this conversation, Andrew genuinely and kindly shares his struggles with perfectionism, and how he skillfully manages them these days.

Key Takeaways

About Andrew Nalband

He is a veteran of three classes of Techstars and the former Director of User Experience at Ubersense Inc. (acquired by Hudl in August 2014). Naval has helped more than 25 companies improve their products, and has driven iPhone apps to the top of the App Store and millions of installs.

perfectionism

Resources

Resources from Dr. Z

Show notes with time-stamps

01:00 Tackling Perfectionism
02:34 Deep Dive into Perfectionism with Andrew Nalband
17:18 The Benefits and Challenges of High Achieving Behaviors
32:59 Embracing Mindfulness and Letting Go of Perfection
 

Listen Here

Apple
Spotify

How to handle unhelpful perfectionism with Dr. Z and Clarissa Ong, Ph.D.

How to handle unhelpful perfectionism with Dr. Z and Clarissa Ong, Ph.D.

by | Doing things right, perfect & precisely: perfectionism, Procrastinating, postponing and delaying

Are you an overachiever?

Some perfectionistic traits – e.g., being hardworking or paying attention to details – can be extremely handy. But what happens when you don’t do things in moderation and feel compelled to do more and more, do everything right, and avoid mistakes?

In this episode, I chat with Clarissa Ong, Ph.D., about her work on perfectionism.

Key Takeaways

We discussed in detail:

  • The coherence trap
  • Meta-awareness: awareness about awareness
  • Exposure exercises as awareness exercises
  • Motivational flexibility
  • Uncertainty workouts
  • Self-compassion practices

About Clarissa Ong, Ph.D.

Dr. Ong (she/her) is an Assistant Professor and the Psychology Clinic Director at the University of Toledo. She completed her Ph.D. in Clinical/Counseling Psychology at Utah State University, her predoctoral clinical internship at McLean Hospital/Harvard Medical School, and her postdoctoral training at the Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders at Boston University and CBTeam. Her research focuses on developing, evaluating, and disseminating effective interventions guided by behavioral and process-based principles.

perfectionism

Resources

Resources from Dr. Z’s desk

Listen Here

Apple
Spotify

Are Perfectionistic Actions Working For You or Against You?

Are Perfectionistic Actions Working For You or Against You?

by | Doing things right, perfect & precisely: perfectionism, Procrastinating, postponing and delaying

  • Do you deeply care about what you do that you don’t measure what it takes you to accomplish a goal?
  • Are you a very conscientious person that struggles to do things that you are not-good-enough?
  • Are you super-committed to the projects you participate in that you forget to eat, sleep, or hang out with your friends at times?
  • Are you often preoccupied with thoughts about “I must do well, otherwise I’m bad?”
  • Are grit and discipline hurting you?

Perfectionistic actions can keep you in a “perfect trap,” but it doesn’t have to be all bad.

There are three important questions for you to answer to figure out whether your perfectionistic actions are working for you or against you.

Key Takeaways

In this episode, you will listen to a chapter from The Upside of Perfectionism: An Acceptance and Commitment Skills Audiobook.

You can learn Acceptance and Commitment Skills to release the shackles of perfectionistic actions without losing yourself and its benefits.

Listen Here

Apple
Spotify

ACT Focused Coaching

If you have specific questions about perfectionistic actions, have been dealing with them for a long time, and want to take things a step further, you can get 1:1 coaching to unpack those specific sticky moments.

In coaching sessions, I’ll provide you with:

Get the ACT AUDIOBOOK & COACHING here: https://bit.ly/3QlagBk



GET YOUR FREE AUDIO GUIDE TO HARNESS THE POWER OF PERFECTIONISM

You have Successfully Subscribed!

HOW DO YOU PLAY-IT-SAFE?

  

Complete this 7-minutes quiz
and get your Playing-it-safe Profile!!

You have Successfully Subscribed!

e-mail me