Popular Anxiety Tips That Actually Make It Worse

Popular Anxiety Tips That Actually Make It Worse

1. “Just think positive!”

The research conducted by Wood and colleagues found that while positive self-statements might be beneficial for individuals with high self-esteem, they can have the opposite effect on those with low self-esteem.

When people with low self-esteem try to force themselves to think positively, it can actually backfire, leading to increased anxiety and self-doubt. This is because the positive affirmations are inconsistent with their existing self-beliefs, causing internal conflict.

The findings challenge the simplistic notion that “just thinking positive” is universally beneficial and underscore the importance of a more nuanced approach to mental health interventions, particularly for individuals struggling with anxiety and self-esteem issues.

  • Study: Wood, J. V., Perunovic, W. Q. E., & Lee, J. W. (2009). Positive self-statements: Power for some, peril for others. Psychological Science, 20(7), 860-866.

2. “Mind over matter.”

Daniel Wegner’s work on ironic process theory demonstrates that attempting to control or suppress unwanted thoughts can paradoxically make them more persistent. For example, trying not to think about something can cause that thought to dominate one’s mind, leading to heightened anxiety.

This finding contradicts the “mind over matter” philosophy, which suggests that we can simply will ourselves to overcome challenges by forcefully controlling our thoughts. Wegner’s research highlights the limitations of mental control and suggests that acceptance-based approaches, which allow thoughts to come and go without trying to control them, may be more effective in managing anxiety.

  • Study: Wegner, D. M. (1994). Ironic processes of mental control. Psychological Review, 101(1), 34-52.

3. “Push through your anxiety.”

Mann and Ward’s research suggests that while pushing through pain and discomfort can sometimes lead to short-term gains, it can also result in long-term harm, particularly when the underlying causes of stress or pain are not addressed. This “push through” mentality can lead to burnout, injury, or exacerbation of anxiety symptoms, particularly in high-stress environments.

The study advocates for a more balanced approach to self-regulation that involves recognizing limits, taking breaks, and addressing the root causes of pain and anxiety, rather than simply forcing oneself to continue through discomfort.

  • Study: Mann, T., & Ward, A. (2007). Attention, self-control, and health behaviors. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 16(5), 280-283.

4. “You can control your thoughts.”

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), developed by Steven C. Hayes and his colleagues, challenges the idea that we can or should control our thoughts. The ACT model posits that trying to control or suppress unwanted thoughts often leads to increased psychological distress. Instead, ACT encourages individuals to accept their thoughts and feelings as they are, without judgment or the need to change them, and to focus on taking actions that are consistent with their values.

This approach has been shown to be effective in reducing anxiety and improving psychological flexibility, as it reduces the struggle against unwanted thoughts and fosters a more adaptive relationship with them.

  • Study: Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An experiential approach to behavior change. Guilford Press.

5. “Fake it till you make it.”

Lerner and Keltner’s research on the effects of emotions like fear and anger on decision-making suggests that “faking it” can sometimes lead to emotional dissonance, where there is a disconnect between how one feels internally and how one is expected to behave externally. This dissonance can exacerbate anxiety and lead to poor decision-making, particularly in high-stress situations.

The study challenges the idea that simply “faking” confidence or calmness is an effective strategy, as it can increase stress and anxiety when the external façade does not match internal feelings. A more effective approach might involve acknowledging and managing one’s genuine emotions rather than pretending they don’t exist.

  • Study: Lerner, J. S., & Keltner, D. (2001). Fear, anger, and risk. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 81(1), 146-159.

6. “Don’t worry, be happy.”

Moskowitz and Epel’s research suggests that while maintaining a positive outlook can be beneficial, the simplistic message of “Don’t worry, be happy” can be problematic because it encourages the suppression of negative emotions and invalidates genuine experiences of stress and anxiety.

Their work highlights the importance of finding meaning and growth in adversity, rather than merely trying to avoid or suppress negative emotions. By embracing a more balanced perspective that acknowledges both positive and negative experiences, individuals are better equipped to manage anxiety and build resilience.

  • Study: Moskowitz, J. T., & Epel, E. S. (2006). Benefit finding and growth following adversity: The challenge of finding meaning. Positive Psychology in Practice, 145-158.

7. “You just need to try harder.”

Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindset challenges the notion that effort alone is sufficient to overcome challenges. Her work shows that while effort is important, a focus on learning and adaptability is equally crucial. The “try harder” message can be damaging when it leads individuals to believe that failure is due to a lack of effort rather than a need for new strategies or skills.

In the context of anxiety, this message can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and helplessness, as individuals may feel they are not trying hard enough when they struggle with anxiety, rather than recognizing the need for different approaches or support.

  • Study: Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.

8. “Push through the anxiety.”

Baumeister’s research on self-regulation highlights the risks of overcommitting and pushing through pain without addressing underlying issues. Overcommitment can lead to burnout and decreased effectiveness in managing stress and anxiety. The “push through” mentality may work in the short term, but it often leads to long-term negative consequences, including chronic stress, anxiety, and physical health problems.

The study advocates for a more balanced approach that includes recognizing limits, taking breaks, and practicing self-care, rather than simply pushing through pain and discomfort.

  • Study: Baumeister, R. F., et al. (2007). The destructive nature of overcommitment: Behavior, motivation, and self-regulation in high-stress situations. American Psychologist, 62(3), 207-215.

9. “Anxiety is all in your head.”

Kessler’s study provides evidence that anxiety disorders have significant biological, genetic, and psychological components, challenging the notion that anxiety is merely “all in your head.”

The research shows that anxiety disorders are common and can have a profound impact on individuals’ lives, requiring a comprehensive approach to treatment that addresses both mental and physical aspects. The idea that anxiety is just a matter of willpower or mindset ignores the complexity of these disorders and can lead to stigmatization and inadequate treatment.

  • Study: Kessler, R. C., et al. (2005). Lifetime prevalence and age-of-onset distributions of DSM-IV disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication. Archives of General Psychiatry, 62(6), 593-602.

10. “Anxiety is something you should avoid at all costs.”

Kashdan and McKnight’s research suggests that avoiding anxiety can lead to a diminished sense of purpose and life satisfaction. Their study on social anxiety disorder found that those who commit to a meaningful purpose in life are better able to manage anxiety.

The message that anxiety should be avoided at all costs is questioned by their findings, which suggest that facing anxiety in the pursuit of meaningful goals can lead to personal growth and fulfillment. Avoidance behaviors, on the other hand, can reinforce anxiety and limit one’s ability to live a rich and purposeful life.

  • Study: Kashdan, T. B., & McKnight, P. E. (2013). Commitment to a purpose in life: An antidote to the suffering by individuals with social anxiety disorder. Emotion, 13(6), 1150-1159.

11. “Positive thinking can fix your anxieties.”

Aspinwall and Brunhart’s research highlights the limitations of positive thinking, especially when it involves ignoring or downplaying negative information. While optimism can be beneficial, an overemphasis on positive thinking can lead to denial of problems and inadequate coping strategies. The idea that positive thinking can cure everything is overly simplistic and can prevent individuals from addressing real issues that require attention.

A balanced approach that includes a realistic assessment of challenges, along with positive thinking, is more effective in managing anxiety and promoting mental health. This approach allows for constructive problem-solving and better emotional regulation.

  • Study: Aspinwall, L. G., & Brunhart, S. M. (2000). What I do know won’t hurt me: Optimism, attention to negative information, coping, and health. Psychological Bulletin, 127(1), 99-127.

12. “Anxiety is a choice.”

The notion that “anxiety is a choice” is fundamentally challenged by research conducted by Hofmann and his colleagues. Their review of anxiety disorders highlights the complex interplay of genetic, neurological, and environmental factors that contribute to the development and persistence of anxiety. Anxiety is not simply a matter of choice; rather, it is a deeply ingrained response that can be influenced by biological predispositions and life experiences.

The study emphasizes that while individuals can choose how to respond to anxiety, the initial experience of anxiety is not a matter of personal choice but a natural and often automatic reaction to perceived threats. Further, the belief that anxiety is a choice can lead to self-blame and exacerbate the condition.

Hofmann’s work supports a more compassionate approach, recognizing that anxiety is a common human experience that can be managed with evidence-based treatments like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness-based interventions. These treatments focus on helping individuals develop healthier responses to anxiety rather than perpetuating the myth that anxiety is merely a choice to be willed away.

  • Study: Hofmann, S. G., et al. (2012). The nature and treatment of anxiety disorders. Clinical Psychological Review.
Achieving your best: Goal-setting secrets from sports psychology

Achieving your best: Goal-setting secrets from sports psychology

Today, I’m sharing with you a conversation with Dr. Mitchell Greene, Ph.D.

In our chat, we dive deep into the psychology of goal-setting, attachment to goals, over-identification with one area of our life, peak performance, and mental resilience.

  • When you’re taking a big exam, dealing with a work project, or participating in an important match, how do you manage your worries about your performance and your desire to perform to the best of your abilities?
  • Are you supportive of yourself without adding pressure into your plate?
  • How do you think of yourself without all the stuff you do in your day-to-day life?

While having goals is essential for your performance and motivation, they are just one piece of the puzzle. You also need to manage your mental chatter to perform at your best when it matters to you!

You will hear Mitchell and I sharing our take on Roger Federer, Rick Barry, Kobe Bryant, Andre Agassi, and other professional athletes’ approach to their performance, expectations, and goal-setting.

Whether you’re dealing with high-stakes sports scenarios or everyday life challenges, the principles to set your goals, how you relate to them, and how you approach your mental chatter remain the same.

You can find meaning and joy by making small tweaks and savoring the good along the way!

Hope you enjoy this episode!

Key Takeaways

  • Understanding fear-based reactions
  • Setting goals for improved performance
  • Managing mind chatter in sports
  • The role of mental skills in athletic success
  • Balancing life and sport: Lessons from Federer and Agassi
  • The importance of parental support in youth sports

About Dr. Mitchell Greene, Ph.D.

Dr. Mitchell Greene is a nationally recognized licensed clinical and sport psychologist, whose success over the past 15-plus years is his ability to tailor personalized solutions to his client’s problems. Dr. Greene works primarily with athletes pursuing high performance goals, or coaches and athletic departments looking to educate their student-athletes on mental health and performance enhancement strategies.

In 2023, Dr. Greene published Courage over Confidence: Managing Mind Chatter and Winning the Mental Game, a book based on his years of working with high-performing athletes who struggle with managing doubts and negative thinking. His book has spent time as a top 5 “Youth Sport” and “Sport Psychology” Book on Amazon.

Resources

Resources from Dr. Z’s desk

Show notes with time-stamps

01:01 The Importance of Goal Setting
01:08 The Problem with Tunnel Vision
01:44 Importance of Outcome Goals
02:45 The Role of Action Goals
03:43 Goal setting and mental chatter
04:34 Managing Chatter for Success
05:30 Developing a New Relationship with Your Mind
06:01 Lessons from Roger Federer
06:43 Advice for Struggling Athletes
07:22 Mental Game of Professional Athletes
08:58 Perfectionism in Sports
11:42 Small Increments of Improvement
13:15 Leadership Challenges in Sports
13:55 Balancing Life and Sport
16:10 The Impact of Injuries on a Person’s Mindset
16:52 Parental Influence on Young Athletes
18:02 Coaching the Coaches

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The difference between healthy and unhealthy perfectionism

The difference between healthy and unhealthy perfectionism

Michael P. Twohig, Ph.D. is the co-director of the ACT Research Group, a licensed psychologist in the state of Utah, and a Professor of Psychology at Utah State University.

In this episode, I chat with Michael about his research on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) on perfectionism and, in particular, one of the papers published in his lab: A randomized controlled trial of acceptance and commitment therapy for clinical perfectionism (2019).

In this study, over 50 individuals participated in a 10-week treatment protocol that targeted clinical perfectionism.

We chatted about the neurological screenings participants completed, the challenging moments of participants being attached to rules about how things are supposed to be, and how distinguishing helpful versus unhelpful perfectionistic actions is introduced in the study.

You will hear Michael sharing one of his favorite metaphors to facilitate behavioral flexibility.

Key Takeaways

  • The struggle with unhelpful or clinical perfectionism
  • The study of act-based treatment for unhelpful perfectionism
  • Challenges faced by perfectionists
  • The different types of act strategies
  • The mind’s role and psychological flexibility
  • Handling self-criticism
  • The study outcomes of act-based treatment

About Michael P. Twohig, Ph.D.

Michael P. Twohig, Ph.D., is well known for his work in ACT and OCD, which is closely related to perfectionism. Twohig is a professor in the psychology department at Utah State University. He is the past president of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS) and a current member of the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies (ABCT). He has written more than 170 peer-reviewed publications, seven books, and has received funding from many organizations, including the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).

Resources

Resources from Dr. Z’s

Show notes with time stamps

01:37 Research and Methodology
02:26 Neurological Assessments
03:15 Tasks and Challenges
05:29 Participant Experiences
06:50 Understanding Perfectionism
08:41 Values and Goals
10:08 Navigating Perfectionism
12:36 Balancing Rules and Flexibility
14:37 The Coherence Trap
16:29 Learning from Experience
19:42 Advice for High Achievers
21:12 Traffic Light Metaphor for Mindset
21:46 The Importance of Proofreading
22:26 Embracing Imperfections
23:21 Dealing with Self-Criticism
24:19 Understanding Different Perspectives
25:06 Programming of the Mind
27:10 Functional Thinking Over Right and Wrong
28:55 Living Functionally Explained
32:10 Balancing Work and Life
33:43 Letting Go of Rigid Rules
35:01 Research on Perfectionism
36:06 Study Outcomes and Measurements
 

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How to align your decisions with your values when all choices seem wrong

How to align your decisions with your values when all choices seem wrong

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In the middle of July, I received a voice message on WhatsApp from my cousin in São Paulo.

“Can I talk to you?” he asked with a trembling voice.

I pressed the green phone icon next to his name, Cali, on my silver cell phone.

  • “Tio Juani, meu pai [my father] is in intensive care in the hospital; they did an MRI,” he said slowly while struggling to catch his breath.
  • “Do you have the medical report?”
  • “I just sent it to you.”
  • “Give me a second, I want to go over it.”

As I read the two-page report on the small screen of my phone, my eyes began to fill with tears. There wasn’t any medical procedure that could be done to protect my Tio Juani. His time was slipping away.

  • “How much time do I have to see him?”
  • “Would I make it to São Paulo on time?”

At the beginning of August, my kitty, Melli Milagrocito, became incontinent for five days. He had been diagnosed with cancer two months ago, and despite his sweetness, tenderness, and regular appetite, he had other medical conditions that made things very complicated for him: positive feline IV, kidney problems, heart murmur, and anemia.

  • “Is today the day to give him peace?”
  • “What if this incontinence is just a fleeting shadow?”
  • “He has bounced back so many times; is this the final time to let him go?”

At various points in our lives, we’re confronted with the need to make a decision with no good options ahead of us.

I honestly didn’t know whether I should jump on a plane to São Paulo to say goodbye to my uncle or continue with all the scheduled demands I had already (e.g., sessions with clients, workshops, writing commitments, meetings, deadlines).

I didn’t know whether to give Melli Milagrocito a death with dignity that day or wait a few more days for the incontinence to pass, hoping it would fade.

  • Staying in the Bay Area felt wrong because I was far away from the family.
  • Traveling to São Paulo at the last minute didn’t feel right either because there wasn’t a guarantee I’d make it on time.
  • Calling a vet for in-home euthanasia felt wrong because I wasn’t sure I was exploring all possibilities of medical care for Melli Milagrocito.
  • Waiting for the incontinence to pass felt wrong too because little Melli Milagrocito was sleeping most of the time, dragging his leg when going to drink water, and just existing in a world of shadows.

I searched tirelessly for the right answer, the right choice, the right decision in both situations. I looked up plain tickets, played different scenarios in my head, reached out to close friends, and talked with some relatives.

I was hoping for the right decision that would lift the weight of doubt, guilt, and uncertainty from my shoulders.

I yearned to do the right thing as a niece, cousin, daughter, friend, and animal lover.

I didn’t find any.

Regardless of all the logistics and how thoughtful I was trying to be, all the options in front of me felt like stepping into the unknown.

I turned to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).

ACT (pronounced as one word) is an evidence-based treatment that integrates cutting-edge behavioral science and eastern principles. There are six core psychological processes at the core of the ACT model, clarifying your values one of those processes.

Your values are the life principles you want to stand for; they give you purpose and direction in every step you take. They are not goals or destinations but rather a compass that you can rely on at all times. Your values are the whispers of your heart, guiding you to be who you aspire to be.

Living your values has nothing to do with your emotions – which come and go, – or with what feels logical in the moment.

A values-based life is not about doing things perfectly all the time or measuring the size of your actions; it’s about choosing to put what’s truly important to you in the driver’s seat, aligning your being with your doing, even when the road is rough and the path uncertain.

Living your values is like finding a lighthouse in the storm.

As I was going through this emotional rollercoaster, I turned to the questions I often ask my clients:

  • “What do you want to stand for as you go through these painful moments?”
  • “What matters the most to you in each one of these hurtful circumstances?”
  • “What would my Tio Juani advise me to do in both situations?”
  • “What do I need to do to manage the anxiety of making a good-enough choice, not the right one?”

My Tio Juani passed away seven days after the phone call with my cousin. I had many imperfect video calls with him every day. He felt my love and care as he was going in and out of pain meds in his last days.

I held Melli Milagrocito as he took his last breaths in my arms at 4:33 p.m. on a cloudy Monday in the Bay Area.

There are times in which there are simply no good options in front of us.

When my wonderful mind – my glitchy helper – tries to replay and question both decisions, I remind myself that I acted on what truly mattered, as best as I could, in both those difficult moments.

Resources on decision-making and chronic indecisiveness

4-min article to read: 8 Principles to make values-based decisions

3-min a/rticle to read: Don’t trust your gut feelings when making important decisions

1-minute video to watch: What to do about decision-paralysis

1-minute video to watch: One tip to make effective decisions

Podcast to listen to: How to overcome chronic indecision

Podcast to listen to: Dr. Z. on Choices

1-hour online class: ACT for indecisiveness

Unlocking your potential: Conquering perfectionism and imposter phenomenon!

Unlocking your potential: Conquering perfectionism and imposter phenomenon!

In part 1 of my conversation with Monica Basco, Exploring the intersection of perfectionism, procrastination, and performance, we discussed the following topics:

  • Perfectionism and high-achieving behaviors
  • Understanding the impact of high goals
  • The role of confidence in goal setting
  • The intersection of perfectionism and procrastination

In this second part of our conversation, Monica kindly shared her transition from academia to the White House as an introduction to the focus of this episode: the intersection of perfectionism and imposter phenomenon.

Perfectionists set exceptionally high standards for themselves, displaying a relentless drive to achieve what they perceive as flawless outcomes. However, when these standards are not met, it can lead to feelings of failure and inadequacy. Even when they succeed, perfectionists may fear that others will see through their façade, further perpetuating the imposter phenomenon.

A highlight of our conversation is the importance of discerning when perfectionistic actions are an asset and when they become a liability.

Key Takeaways

  • Perfectionism and imposter phenomenon
  • Exploring imposter phenomenon
  • Perfectionism and self-expectations
  • Overcoming imposter syndrome
  • The transition from academia to government
  • Perfectionism in different contexts
  • Balancing perfectionism and fear of failure
  • Distinguishing when to turn on and off perfectionistic actions

About Monica Basco, Ph.D.

Monica Basco, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and former Associate Director for Science Policy, Planning, and Analysis at the Office of Research on Women’s Health at the National Institutes of Health. She served as Assistant Director for Neuroscience, Mental Health, and Broadening Participation at the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy from 2014 to 2015.

Dr. Basco is an internationally recognized expert in cognitive-behavioral therapy and a founding fellow of the Academy of Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies. She was formerly on the faculty of the University of Texas at Arlington, where she was awarded the University of Texas Regents’ Outstanding Teaching Award.

perfectionism

Resources


Resources from Dr. Z.


Show notes with time-stamps

00:00 The Intersection of Perfectionism and Imposter Phenomenon
05:03 Personal Story: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
10:10 Transition from Academia to the White House
16:12 The Role of Perfectionism in Government and Science
18:23 Fear of Failure and Perfectionism
22:52 How Different Fears Influence Behavior
 

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