Something I’ve noticed in session over and over again, and in myself, if I’m honest, is that when a decision feels impossible, the instinct isn’t to decide. The instinct is to ask one more person.
I did this recently. I had a decision I’d been sitting with, and I called a trusted friend to “get her perspective.” Halfway through the conversation, I realized: I wasn’t looking for new information. I already had all the information I needed. I was looking for permission. Or maybe for someone to tell me which option hurts less.
That’s a playing-it-safe move, and it’s one I’ve been thinking about a lot this week.
Because here’s what I’ve come to believe after eighteen years of working with overthinkers and overachievers: impossible decisions don’t need more information. They need a different question.
Not “what’s the right option?” because that’s the one that keeps you frozen. But “what am I standing for?” – that one has an answer.
In this week’s episode of the Playing-It-Safe podcast, I’m talking about the specific playing-it-safe move that lives inside every impossible decision: waiting for a good option in a situation where no good option exists.
We go into the psychology of why your mind does this (it’s not broken, it’s doing exactly what it was built to do), and I walk through a step-by-step practice (the Values Compass Check) for what to do when every option feels wrong.
There’s also a moment in the episode that I was a little nervous to share, but I think it’s the most honest thing I’ve said on the podcast in a while.
You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or at the link here.
And if you’ve been sitting with something, a decision that’s been running its own endless meeting in your head, I hope this episode gives you a different place to stand.
Table of Contents
Show notes with time-stamps
1:10 The real cost of waiting for the “good option”: time and presence
2:10 How waiting itself becomes a decision
3:16 The playing-it-safe move: choosing least discomfort over alignment with your values
4:12 Why your mind wasn’t built for choices where every option hurts
5:32 How your mind defines “safety” and why that’s not the same as a life
6:07 Goals vs. values (Kelly Wilson’s distinction) and why it reframes hard decisions
7:18 The entry point: pausing instead of over-analyzing
7:52 The Values Compass Check exercise
8:19 Step 1: Name the decision and list every option
8:39 Step 2: Ask “what am I standing for?” for each option
9:19 Why avoidance-driven regret hurts more than the wrong choice
10:11 David’s story: leaving a 15-year career and the question that unlocked his answer
11:36 Where ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) actually lives: values-based action
12:40 What changes when you choose from values isn’t the difficulty, it’s your relationship to it
13:00 Dr. Z’s personal story: her uncle’s hospitalization and her cat’s, Meli Milagrosito, illness
16:33 Living your values has nothing to do with emotions or perfection
17:04 Living your values is like finding a lighthouse in the storm
17:36 The outcome: losing her uncle and her cat within days of each other
18:26 Living your values isn’t a Hollywood ending
Resources on decision-making and chronic indecisiveness
4-min article to read: 8 Principles to make values-based decisions
3-min article to read: Don’t trust your gut feelings when making important decisions
1-minute video to watch: What to do about decision-paralysis
1-minute video to watch: One tip to make effective decisions
Podcast to listen to: How to overcome chronic indecision
Podcast to listen to: Dr. Z. on Choices
1-hour online class: ACT for indecisiveness
Listen Here
P.S., if you want to get clearer on what you actually value in the areas where you feel most stuck, my Values-Based Review is free and it’s the best first step: https://proud-snow-5694.ck.page/d2a5e77ba3
Learn research-based skills and actionable steps to make better decisions, adjust to uncertain situations, make bold moves, & do more of what matters to you.
