Stop Chasing Goals. Start Living Your Values.

Procrastinating, postponing and delaying, Taking my thoughts too seriously

I had a friend who told me he hadn’t felt happy in years. Not depressed. Not anxious. Just… empty. And when I asked what he did for fun, he paused for a long time. “I don’t really know anymore,” he said.

Sonja Lyubomirsky’s research found that external achievements account for only about ten percent of lasting happiness. The forty percent within our control? It comes from how we spend our time and what meaning we attach to it.

This week’s podcast episode, I’m going into the psychology of why values-based living is the piece most productivity advice skips entirely, and why that gap is exactly where the emptiness lives.

If you’ve been feeling vaguely stuck without being able to name why, not necessarily burned out, not failing, just feeling off, this episode is for you.

Show notes with time-stamps

0:00 Phoebe’s 101st birthday story
1:13 Playing-it-safe behavior #8: discounting what you really want
2:09 Gabriele Oettingen’s research on mental contrasting
3:01 Deci and Ryan’s self-determination theory (autonomy, competence, relatedness)
3:53 Sonja Lyubomirsky on lasting wellbeing
4:05 Psychological flexibility meets values
4:54 Guided exercise: imagining your 101st birthday party
6:21 Viktor Frankl on meaning as a primary human drive
7:60 What will you do this week if you weren’t playing-it-safe?

Listen Here

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And if you want to map the gap in your own life, my free Values-Based Review, Life Audit is in the show notes.

Learn research-based skills and actionable steps to make better decisions, adjust to uncertain situations, make bold moves, & do more of what matters to you.

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About Dr. Z.

I’m originally from Bolivia, South America, and am a psychologist by training. I’m formally trained in empirically supported treatments, and when I say “formally,” I mean that since 2004 I have received intensive training in them, particularly in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). 

Over the past 18 years, I have created resources for and worked with overthinkers and overachievers dealing with all types of anxiety-related struggles: perfectionism, procrastination, productivity anxiety, uncertainty intolerance, indecision, impostor phenomenon, overthinking, phobias, rumination, panic, worry and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I absolutely love my job!

In 2019, I was nominated as a fellow by the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science because of my contributions related to the applications of ACT for anxiety-based struggles. I’m the author of seven books and the co-author of three (see the section on previously written books).

I’m the founder and director of the East Bay Behavior Therapy Center, a boutique private center in the San Francisco Bay Area that offers therapy and coaching for anyone experiencing anxiety-based struggles.

In 2023, I gave a TEDx talk, “Stop playing-it-safe and start living” that has more than 264K downloads.

While I’m a psychologist by training and science-based by passion, my style is jargon-free, accessible, caring, and lighthearted; teaching ACT skills doesn’t have to be boring or inaccessible, so I do my best to make every skill I teach—in any format—as engaging as possible. 

I believe that learning to navigate anxiety-based reactions is one of the key skills of the 21st century, and I’m passionate about it.

I'm passionate about disseminating ACT skills for anxiety-based struggles.

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