Experiential Avoidance: A Playing-It-Safe Move

Procrastinating, postponing and delaying, Taking my thoughts too seriously

I’ve been thinking about a client I worked with: brilliant, accomplished, fully capable of having the hard conversation she’d been putting off for four months.

She knew what to say. She just kept finding something else to do first. She wasn’t avoiding the conversation. She was avoiding what she’d have to feel inside it.

That’s experiential avoidance. And it’s the mechanism quietly running every playing-it-safe move you’ve ever made. The procrastination, the overthinking, the reassurance-seeking, the perfectionism.

It’s not laziness. It’s not weakness. It’s a very human loop. And episode 106 is about how to recognize it, name it, and take one step toward what you actually value with the feeling present, not after it disappears.

Show notes with time-stamps

0:56 Naming the pattern: experiential avoidance (ACT)
1:52 Why avoidance looks reasonable from the outside
2:30 What experiential avoidance actually is
3:27 What the research shows: the effort to suppress feelings causes the damage
4:37 How avoidance behaviors get reinforced (the short-term relief trap)
6:00 The 10 different ways people play-it-safe
11:40 The “observer self” skill from ACT
13:47 How to use the observer self step-by-step
15:05 Example: the writer who was stuck on his book proposal for 3 years
17:13 What experiential avoidance is and why it matters

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Resources mentioned

ACT online courses 

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About Dr. Z.

I’m originally from Bolivia, South America, and am a psychologist by training. I’m formally trained in empirically supported treatments, and when I say “formally,” I mean that since 2004 I have received intensive training in them, particularly in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). 

Over the past 18 years, I have created resources for and worked with overthinkers and overachievers dealing with all types of anxiety-related struggles: perfectionism, procrastination, productivity anxiety, uncertainty intolerance, indecision, impostor phenomenon, overthinking, phobias, rumination, panic, worry and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I absolutely love my job!

In 2019, I was nominated as a fellow by the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science because of my contributions related to the applications of ACT for anxiety-based struggles. I’m the author of seven books and the co-author of three (see the section on previously written books).

I’m the founder and director of the East Bay Behavior Therapy Center, a boutique private center in the San Francisco Bay Area that offers therapy and coaching for anyone experiencing anxiety-based struggles.

In 2023, I gave a TEDx talk, “Stop playing-it-safe and start living” that has more than 264K downloads.

While I’m a psychologist by training and science-based by passion, my style is jargon-free, accessible, caring, and lighthearted; teaching ACT skills doesn’t have to be boring or inaccessible, so I do my best to make every skill I teach—in any format—as engaging as possible. 

I believe that learning to navigate anxiety-based reactions is one of the key skills of the 21st century, and I’m passionate about it.

I'm passionate about disseminating ACT skills for anxiety-based struggles.

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