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As I strolled down the narrow, sunlit street next to the Mediterranean in Naxos, Greece, I could feel the warmth of the sun, hear the light laughter of teenagers nearby, and breathe in the salty ocean air.
The world around me seemed to hum with life.
The ocean has always, always, always been a source of comfort for me. It was one of those precious moments—when everything feels in sync, and the world is exactly as it should be.
Then, my stomach interrupted with a growl.
It remind me that even the most peaceful moments are accompanied by the mundane. I paused and looked around.
That’s when I spotted it: a cozy little Greek restaurant tucked away on the side of the street.
- Me: Approaching the hostess, “Can I get a table for one?”
- Waitress: “A table for one? while raising an eyebrow with a soft smile, “but… someone else is joining you later, right?”
- Me: “No, no one is coming.”
- Waitress: “Are you sure? – gesturing to the empty table. We could set the table for two and wait.”
- Me: “Thank you, but no one else is coming.”
- Waitress: “How come? She takes a deep breath, are you eating alone?”
- Me: Yes, I am eating alone.”
- Waitress: “I can leave the forks for another person, if you want.”
- Me: “Thank you, but it’s not necessary,” I answer, with a soft smile.
The waitress’ question lingered in the air.
Imagine all the conversations, people, situations, activities, hobbies, or objects you’ve avoided for years because the unfamiliarity feels daunting. Facing our fears isn’t just about confronting big fears – it’s about making space for discomfort in everyday moments.
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), exposure is more than tackling anxieties, worries, and fears; it’s about doing so in the service of what truly matters to you.
ACT redefines exposure by focusing on your core values, not just symptom reduction. Instead of forcing your fears, worries, and anxieties away, it invites you to lean into discomfort while embracing your personal “why.” That’s why I refer to these practices as values-based exposure exercises.
Facing our fears can often feel like standing on the edge of a deep cliff, wondering whether it’s safe to jump. But, here’s the thing, approaching your worries, fears, and anxieties is a way to live in alignment with what you care about, not just a tool to eliminate fear.
Table of Contents
An invitation for you
What about taking yourself to eat alone without a cell phone, book, or anything to distract yourself, but as an invitation to be with yourself and anything that shows up under your skin?
Exposure isn’t just about confronting big fears—it’s about facing discomfort in everyday moments.
Sitting alone at a table for one can be your values-based exposure.
Resources to practice values-based exposure exercises
(a) A comprehensive guide to read: Facing your fears
This guide includes five parts:
Part 1: What are values-based exposure exercises?
Part 2: How to create your values-based exposure menu?
Part 3: What are the different types of exposure exercises you can practice?
Part 4: Where do you start?
Part 5: What to do when practicing a values-based exposure exercise?
Click here to read full guide: Facing your fears.
(b) 1-minute video to watch: The purpose of values-based exposures
(c) Podcast to listen to: How to engage in values-based behaviors when feeling anxious
